Over the past few decades, I have had the pleasure of enjoying the company of purveyors of the world’s second oldest profession, in over a dozen different countries as well as in over half of the states in the U.S. and one half of the provinces in Canada. I have spent quality time with escorts, call girls, massage parlor girls, brothel girls, bar girls, hotel hoes, and street walkers, but this article is devoted to the basest form of prostitution, the street whores.

The following is my advice gleaned from years of picking up and getting blown by and fucking ladies of the night. If you ever think that you might venture onto a stroll to seek companionship from a member of the fairer sex, then read these words of advice and ignore them at your peril. My only proviso is that most of my experience with street walkers has been in North America, and it may or may not apply to all countries in other areas of the world.

I have divided my advice into three lists. First, those that are aimed at keeping you out of the hands of the local authorities. Second, those that are aimed at keeping you safe (both physically and financially). Third, those that are aimed at ensuring that you get the best bang for your buck.

Avoiding Cops Tips

There is nothing worse than going to a stroll to get yourself a nice, tasty little piece of tail, only to end up spending the night in some jail cell with Bubba as your cellmate. Follow these suggestions to minimize your chances of getting busted and having to deal with all of the crap and embarrassment that goes with it.

1. Always drive around the stroll a few times to get the feel for what is going on that night. Keep your eyes peeled for too many cop cars circling the area and especially ghost cars that might indicate that there is an undercover police sting operation looking to bust unsuspecting johns (that’s you). Get to know the feel for the stroll and when the feel changes, get the hell out of there. No cops can be just as dangerous as too many cops. Be paranoid and if something doesn’t seem right, then trust your instincts and leave the area immediately. Remember, he who cruises and drives away lives to cruise another day.

2. When you are cruising in search mode, and you see a lady who looks like someone who you’d enjoy busting a nut with, pull up near her with her on the passenger door side. Leave the passenger side door unlocked and look at her, but do not motion her over. If she’s a whore, she’ll be anxious to make some cash and she will open the door and get in. If she is an undercover cop, she will probably wait for you to clearly invite her over, because she needs you to initiate the contact or you can cry “entrapment”.

3. Once she has come over and opened your door, she will probably jump right in, but if she doesn’t, invite her in. Ask her if she needs a ride or something. An undercover cop will usually NOT get into your car. Bad things can happen to undercover female cops getting into a john’s car, so they usually will not do it. Cops will usually try and get you to negotiate with them, with them standing at the window, but do not do that under any circumstances. If she doesn’t get in the car, drive away and don’t look back, and remember this, NEVER discuss sex for money with a chick who won’t sit in your vehicle!

4. Avoid hookers who are working in pairs. Undercover cops usually work in pairs on the stroll for their own safety. They also have back-up nearby (usually ghost cars). Hookers working alone are usually fairly plentiful, and they are always your best option. If you see one that you know you just have to pound and she is with another hoe, keep an eye on them, and if her friend goes off with someone else, then you’re in like Flynn. If neither of them gets into a car, then that might be a good sign that they are trouble, so get away from them.

5. If your whore initiates the squeeze test, then go for it. For some reason, a lot of whores seem to think that if you are an undercover cop, you will not squeeze their tits. If they ask you to do it, then go for it. I like to reach inside their top and play with the nipple a bit. Besides being fun, I doubt very much that an undercover cop would invite and allow guys to tweak her nipples, so if you have done that, things are looking pretty good for you.

6. Don’t initiate a discussion of money for sex with them. In many jurisdictions, prostitution is legal, but talking about it in public (and yes, your car is public) is illegal. Once she is in the car, make sure that she brings up the topic. Whatever you do, avoid the urge to ask that age-old question, “how much for a blowjob?” Usually, she will ask you what you are looking for. Put the ball back in her court by saying something like, “I don’t know, what are you offering?”

   She will usually quote off her wish price list at that time, but occasionally the two of you will get into a cat and mouse game of who is going to bring it up first. She may be a smart one who is protecting herself in case you are a cop, or she just might be a cop herself. If she is a cop, she needs you to ask how much for sex or to offer money for sex.

   Once you have done that, she has got you by the short and curlies, and you’re going to be in for a shitty and embarrassing time. She can’t bring it up first, though, or once again, you can cry “entrapment”. If she isn’t bringing it up, be paranoid and end the game and drop her off at the next corner. There are plenty more fish in the sea; no point in risking your good name and reputation on her!

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7. If you are really paranoid, put a tape recorder in the car. Just in case you have picked up an undercover cop, and she says that you said something that you did not, this could save you. Unfortunately, many cops are not beyond fudging about what someone said or did in order to get a conviction, so the tape recorder could be your proof of exactly what was said and what wasn’t said.

Safety Tips

Keeping yourself physically safe and keeping your wallet intact are both crucial to you having a good experience when you take a trip to the stroll, so heed these words of advice.

1. Don’t cruise the stroll when you have had too much to drink. I know that when you are loaded, you tend to throw caution to the wind and all you can think of is finding some young, tight cunt to pound the shit out of, but avoid the temptation of driving to the stroll. If you’re loaded, you might ignore my advice above and get busted for picking up an undercover pig that you thought would be sucking on your pole. You might get busted for drunk driving - cops know that pissed-up guys go to the stroll, so they are watching it pretty carefully. It is also much easier for a hoe to take advantage of you when you are loaded. If you’re tanked up and you’ve got a raging hard-on that jerking off won’t handle, fork over the cash and get yourself a call girl or an escort to fuck in the comfort of your own home and stay safe!

2. Stay as far away as possible from whores who are acting weird. If they are nuts or whacked out on crack, then they will be very unpredictable and they will probably be trouble. Stay away from the dirty and slimy-looking ones for obvious medical concerns. Avoid them and stay safe!

3. Don’t let a whore smoke up in your car or have you drive them to a crack house to get them hooked up before they service you. Stay away from the drugs! Most hoes are on drugs. They are standing on a street corner hoping that some strange guy will pick them up and shove his cock into their mouth, cunt or asshole, so that they can make $20 to buy some more crack. Drugs are their problem, not yours, so stay away from them. The last thing you need is to have the cops pull you over for a spot check and the whore you picked up is smoking up or whacked out on crack.

4. Don’t drive where she wants you to drive. She may be taking you to some secluded location where some of her friends are waiting to roll you, or worse! She might be taking you to a spot where she is planning on taking off out of your car with your cold hard cash in her jeans and your load still in yours.

   Sometimes they might freak out if you drive somewhere else. In that case, try and talk them into it, but if they won’t budge, drop them off. I fell for this one a couple of times where I drove to a location of the whore’s choosing and after I’d given her the cash and had my pant down around my ankles she says, “See ya later” and bolts out the door. That sucks.

5. Park somewhere away from the stroll and then start pounding her. Remember just because you are chilling in your car getting your rocks off inside some babe’s mouth doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doing anything illegal. As far as any passers-by are concerned, you are just ending off or starting out a great date. Don’t be too obvious, but make sure that you relax a little and enjoy the finer things in life.

6. Have an escape route planned out in your head. John’s can have bad dates too. Usually, this happens when you don’t want to do anything with a hoe and you want to drop her off, and the bitch says she’s not getting out until you pay her. You can usually avoid these cunts by staying away from the weird-looking ones, but just in case you get unlucky, know where to go and what to do if it goes bad.

   I would suggest a well-lit gas station or store parking lot. Drive there, leave the car, and go inside. Hopefully, she’ll get the hint and piss off. If worse comes to worse, you may have to call the cops, but try everything else first. Eventually, they will usually give up, but it makes for a shitty experience. I had one hoe who was strung out, and I have no idea why I let her into my truck.

   She wouldn’t leave without cash, and she went nuts and pulled out a knife and threatened to stick me if I didn’t give her $30. I stayed calm and pulled into a gas station and got out of the car. She stayed in the car and refused to get out. I finally coaxed her out for $5 and got the hell out of there. Crack hoes can be dangerous because they will do whatever it takes to get enough cash for their next fix, so steer clear of them!