©1996

I was supposed to see Paul in the evening, but he phoned just beforehand and said he had a cold and couldn’t see me. So I felt very disappointed, and then I thought ‘Well, I’ll take him some grapes and stuff to cheer him up.’

So I bought a whole picnic of lovely cold food and books and — oh, it makes me bitter when I remember. Anyway, I rang the bell and he came to the door in just trousers and he looked rather annoyed at first, then he smiled in a rather sinister way and said, “Ah, Ameleia, just what we wanted, some company.”

And then he led me through to the bedroom and - there was another girl. All undressed and she had a horrible plastic dildo-thing in her hand. I sort of choked and rushed back but Paul caught me and Held me there, turned me around and kissed me, and was very gentle and said, “No, don’t mind her, come back,” And then he said, “Anne, this is your new playmate,” and this horrible dykey girl came over to me and put her arms around me as well, while Paul sort of held me so I couldn’t go.

They both pulled my clothes off and she kept jamming her breasts in my face and it was really bad. Then Paul held my arms up behind my back so it really hurt while this really tough girl, I’m sure she was a lesbian - felt all down my front and ... and, you know, with her fingers ... put her fingers inside me.

I can’t quite remember what happened then but the next thing I knew I was on the bed - I think Paul was making love to me and I thought she’d gone away, but then she reappeared and ... Well if you must know, she sort of sat down over my face, I mean she was naked and everything and she was all wet, and then Paul was screwing me and saying in this soft voice, “You must lick her, Ameleia. Go on. Go on, be nice to Anne.”

And you know it was really peculiar because — I was enjoying him screwing me and I sort of almost wanted to do what he said, you know, to this girl, and actually I couldn’t help it because I was so powerless.

I don’t think I’m a lesbian. I can’t be a lesbian, can I? It wasn’t my fault, I mean it was sort of rape, but if I’m honest with myself, I have to admit the really awful thing — that I did like it, the woman and everything. I mean I actually enjoyed it!