Chapter 2

Monday, Cozumel

When the alarm woke us, the ship was already docked in Cozumel. We quickly got dressed and joined James and Caitlynne in the hallway. The four of us went up to one of the dining areas for a fast breakfast. I held Karen’s hand the whole way up. I hoped it was a good sign but was doubtful. During the walk and breakfast, James gave me a roll-by-roll recount of his evening at the craps table. I wanted to talk about something else, but couldn’t manage the energy to try to change the subject. At breakfast, Karen watched James adoringly as he babbled on about come-out rolls and pass line bets.

We disembarked, walked down the pier, and found where we were to wait for our excursion. Karen held my hand while talking gaily with James. Two white vans picked up the groups for our excursion. A family of four rode with us. James was full of energy and kept talking and talking. Karen and Caitlynne chimed in occasionally. I didn’t say anything.

“You’re awfully quiet this morning,” Caitlynne said to me in one of the few gaps in the conversation. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. Not much to say.”

Our excursion was riding ATVs through the jungle. It was fun, racing through the bushes at top speeds. We took regular breaks during the ride to see underground caves, sinkholes, and Mayan ruins. Every time we stopped, Karen looked for James as soon as she had her helmet off.

After the ride was over, we were taken to a beach club for swimming and snorkeling. Once we were out of the van, James and Karen raced to the changing rooms. Caitlynne followed them. I found a shady spot where I could see the changing rooms and the beach. James came out first in his swimsuit and went to the women’s changing room. Karen came out in her one-piece and they jogged together, laughing, towards the beach. A minute later, Caitlynne came out in her bikini and walked towards the beach. When she got there, I could see her look for me. She said something to Karen and Karen looked around as well. Caitlynne finally spotted me and walked back to where I was standing.

“What are you doing here? Why haven’t you changed?”

“I’ve lost Karen to James.”

“What bullshit is this?”

“I’ve lost Karen to James. If it wasn’t true, then why are you the one here talking to me and Karen is the one at the beach with James?”

Caitlynne gave me a look. Concern? Dread? I couldn’t read it. “I’ll have Karen talk to you.”

Caitlynne went down to the beach. Karen and James were swimming around, talking and laughing. Caitlynne got Karen’s attention and they talked for a little bit. Karen got out of the water and walked up to my spot. She kept her head down most of the walk.

“What’s up?” she said.

“Karen, it’s time for you to choose who you’re going to be with on this cruise. Me or James.”

Her eyes went wide. “Umm ... Let me go get Caitlynne and James.”

She jogged back to the beach, got James and Caitlynne, and all of them returned to my spot. Caitlynne was asking questions on the way but got no answers. As they approached, I looked at their faces - Karen looked in pain, Caitlynne was worried, and James was smiling.

“James and I didn’t tell you a few things when everyone met,” began Karen. She was looking down at the ground. “We never broke up when we graduated. We said we were merely separating for a little while, and if we were meant to be, God would bring us back together. We belonged to the same church at OU, and faith is so important to me. When God brought us back together, I fell in love all over again.” She finally looked up at me. “I’m sorry, Thomas. I told you once that I didn’t love you. It was because I was still in love with James. He was my first love and my true love. I’m sorry to end our relationship like this.”

She reached out her hand to James. His smile got even bigger as he took it. I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. Karen looked at me one last time, then turned back towards the beach. She and James walked off hand-in-hand.

Caitlynne watched them leave. “The asshole! The bitch!” She turned to me. “Aren’t you going to do something?”

“Do what?” I felt like a ten-ton weight had fallen on me. Every fiber of my soul ached in misery.

“Go beat the shit out of him.”

“That won’t get me back, Karen. All it would do is make things worse.”

“I’m going to...” said Caitlynne as she moved towards the beach.

“Don’t,” I said quietly. I didn’t have the energy to speak any louder. Caitlynne turned towards me. “A lunch is included. Let’s go eat.”

We walked to the snack bar and ordered our food - a hot dog, fries, and soda each. The dining tables were placed where they had a fine view of the beach. We ate standing on the side of the building where we couldn’t see the beach. I could tell Caitlynne was fuming. I guessed she wanted to confront James and Karen, but thankfully, she stayed with me. I was afraid the misery would overwhelm me if she left me.

After we ate, we walked back to where the van was parked and kept it between us and the beach.

“How’s this going to work?” asked Caitlynne. “I’m not sleeping in the same cabin as that asshole.”

“James and I will switch cabins. Once we do, I don’t want to see them again.”

Our time at the beach club was over. Our driver came to the van and unlocked it. Caitlynne and I got in and sat in the back seat. The family got in next. James and Karen came last, smiling and holding hands. They got into the seat in front of us.

Once they were seated, Caitlynne leaned forward and talked quietly to them, mapping out our separation. She assigned each couple different pools and different dining rooms. Caitlynne and I were to use the fitness center anytime before dinner, and they had it after. James and Karen were to make new excursion plans. If James and Karen saw us in the hallway, they were to turn around and go the other way. Caitlynne did this with a quiet voice filled with venom. James and Karen agreed to everything Caitlynne said. Good ol’ practical Caitlynne - I never would have been able to think of all the details she did.

Once Caitlynne was done, she sat back next to me. I felt like I was in a huge fog. Karen and James faced forward. James put his arm around Karen’s shoulders. If Karen had put her head on his shoulder, I think I would have burst out crying. Karen grabbed James’s hand and pulled it down to the seat next to her. Her discomfort with public displays of affection hadn’t been a huge lie.

The rest of the day was a blur. Misery completely shut down my brain. Caitlynne left me sitting in a chair in a quiet room on board the ship for I don’t know how long while she made the room change happen, but otherwise stayed with me the whole time. We spent most of the time walking around the deck. The whole day, my entire relationship with Karen ran through my head in a loop. Prior to this cruise, I had been so certain that we were in love, would marry, and live happily ever after. What had I missed? Caitlynne probably talked to me at some point, and if so, I didn’t respond. I know I ate something that day, but I can’t say what. I don’t think I cried - I was too numb.

I broke out of the mental fog late that night when Caitlynne blamed herself for my break-up with Karen. We were at the stern, watching the wake. “I’m sorry, Thomas. I shouldn’t have kept gambling with them Saturday. He started pulling her away from you then. And I definitely shouldn’t have kept gambling with them last night.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Caitlynne gave a little gasp of surprise at my speaking. “It wouldn’t have mattered.” I turned to face her. “You heard her - she was in love with James before he stepped on the ship. Once they met up, it was only a matter of time.”

“If they hadn’t spent that time gambling...”

“What? They might have dumped us tomorrow instead of today? Would that be an improvement?”

“No...”

“Then let it go. It was their choice. Nothing we could have done would have changed their minds.” I turned back to the railing and looked out at the wake again. “The one thing which might have made a difference is if I had gone to church with Karen.”